Death. It's not an easy word to stomach. Nor is it an easy thing to deal with... ever. Today's memorial at school made me think of those who I've lost, and those who are still here.
In my junior year of high school, I lost my great-grandma. She was 94 when she passed away. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I got to spend 17 of those 94 years knowing her. Some of my memories of her are from the week that she stayed with us when my grandparents (who took care of her for the last few years of her life) went on vacation. I can vividly remember coming home from school every day, and finding her sitting in the kitchen with my mom, sharing stories from when my mom was little, even when my grandpa was little. Every night before bed, we'd play cards together. Even though she was blind in one eye, and sometimes not "all there," she'd still win every time.
In February of my senior year, I lost my great-aunt. Like my great-grandma, my great-aunt was also in her 90s. It was really difficult toward the end of my aunt's life, simply because she was in some of the stages of memory loss. This put a lot of strain on my parents, but they persevered. My great-aunt, after my dad's mother passed away, stepped in and pretty much raised him and my aunt. She was like the grandmother I never got to meet. Even when we'd go out to eat with her, the waitress would always call her "grandma." Not unlike my dad, she was always predictable, too. The two of them (and sometimes even I) will look through a menu a few times, and still order the same thing. I can even remember what she'd order at Applebees and The Sesame Inn.
I'm usually not one to show a lot of emotion when I'm sad (I just like being happy, who doesn't?). I guess I try to be the rock for my family and hold it in. I probably shouldn't do that as much as I do... But it's just who I am. I try to be the go-to person when someone needs something, I help.
I have a handful of friends who have lost their fathers, too... I can't even imagine losing my dad. He and I have so much in common, so many jokes, stories, etc., that I just don't want to lose... ever. Sure, we might get on each other's nerves about grades, driving, and other nonsense, but that's what I love. He's one of the strongest people I know. He lost his mom in his freshman year of college, supported himself through college, and (of course I'm biased in saying this), but has been an incredible influence on my life, whether he knows it or not. (Heck, I even considered being an engineer at one point... Then I realized there was a lot of math involved. I also didn't realize that stats was going to make me want to metaphorically slit my wrists in psychology, but that's another story altogether).
Having those people that I'm able to talk to about anything in my life makes it so worth while. I was able to tell someone about my fears for my cousin being in the hospital. She's like a sister to my mom. Even though we're technically second cousins, we're so much closer than that. It scares me because I don't know what's going to happen next. I guess I wrote this just as a release of what I've been holding in... And it's been incredibly cathartic. Thanks, readers, for being there. I can only hope that I can always do the same for you.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
...so here I am counting down the days till California comes
Well, it's been nearly a month since my last post, so I suppose it's time for an update, eh?
It's been an interesting month, to be completely honest. I haven't gone home since the end of January (which is a first. I usually go home about once a month). Being at school for over a month straight has its perks: I get to see my residents more (not that I don't anyway), it forces me to study more than I would if I was home, and it's just easy to be in the right place at the right time if I need to get something done.
Life is pretty great, too. I've got amazing friends and classes are going really well this semester (heck, I've got straight As for the first time since who knows when). Last semester, I tried to be the perfect CA: always willing to help, have awesome programs, and be there anytime for anyone. It nearly killed me. Sure, I passed all of my classes, but I could have done better. I realized this semester that I needed to make time for myself somewhere in the mix. Whether it's just taking a much-needed nap (even if they do get interrupted by residents) or taking a night to just relax and make a plan for the week ahead, it really helps.
In somewhat related news, I've also had 2 interviews for potential summer jobs/internships. My first was the HR internship through UPMC, and the second was through CalU's Upward Bound program. I haven't heard back from either yet. I've also been sending letters asking about internships, but so far, I've got nothing. I also attended a mock networking reception, which was really awesome.
And now for something completely different... I'm going to California! Not the little one where I currently live, but the west coast California. My mom finally broke down and decided she'd let her daughter go. I'm beyond excited. I haven't been out there in nearly 7 years, and it feels like I haven't seen family there in just as long.
Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to see LA as I had hoped, but Santa Barbara (where I'm headed) is absolutely gorgeous. The weather there is my definition of perfect: between 65 and 75 every day, hardly any (if any at all) humidity, and the ocean breeze complements it perfectly. (Although I do have a 3 hour layover in LAX en route to Santa Barbara, and my friend wants me to ask random airport workers where the boarding for Oceanic Airways is... I might just wind up looking for celebrities.)
I might get to check out San Luis Obispo, which is about 1 hour and 45 minutes north of SB. Of course, there's the beach, hiking, and that sort of stuff... But there's also whale watching, the Morro Bay estuary, and more. I'm also hoping to check out the winery where my aunt works one day when I'm out there. Not to drink, mind you, but just to check it out. Part of the movie Sideways was filmed there, in fact.
Hopefully my next update won't be posted a month after this one... But life's always a little crazy, so only time will tell.
It's been an interesting month, to be completely honest. I haven't gone home since the end of January (which is a first. I usually go home about once a month). Being at school for over a month straight has its perks: I get to see my residents more (not that I don't anyway), it forces me to study more than I would if I was home, and it's just easy to be in the right place at the right time if I need to get something done.
Life is pretty great, too. I've got amazing friends and classes are going really well this semester (heck, I've got straight As for the first time since who knows when). Last semester, I tried to be the perfect CA: always willing to help, have awesome programs, and be there anytime for anyone. It nearly killed me. Sure, I passed all of my classes, but I could have done better. I realized this semester that I needed to make time for myself somewhere in the mix. Whether it's just taking a much-needed nap (even if they do get interrupted by residents) or taking a night to just relax and make a plan for the week ahead, it really helps.
In somewhat related news, I've also had 2 interviews for potential summer jobs/internships. My first was the HR internship through UPMC, and the second was through CalU's Upward Bound program. I haven't heard back from either yet. I've also been sending letters asking about internships, but so far, I've got nothing. I also attended a mock networking reception, which was really awesome.
And now for something completely different... I'm going to California! Not the little one where I currently live, but the west coast California. My mom finally broke down and decided she'd let her daughter go. I'm beyond excited. I haven't been out there in nearly 7 years, and it feels like I haven't seen family there in just as long.
Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to see LA as I had hoped, but Santa Barbara (where I'm headed) is absolutely gorgeous. The weather there is my definition of perfect: between 65 and 75 every day, hardly any (if any at all) humidity, and the ocean breeze complements it perfectly. (Although I do have a 3 hour layover in LAX en route to Santa Barbara, and my friend wants me to ask random airport workers where the boarding for Oceanic Airways is... I might just wind up looking for celebrities.)
I might get to check out San Luis Obispo, which is about 1 hour and 45 minutes north of SB. Of course, there's the beach, hiking, and that sort of stuff... But there's also whale watching, the Morro Bay estuary, and more. I'm also hoping to check out the winery where my aunt works one day when I'm out there. Not to drink, mind you, but just to check it out. Part of the movie Sideways was filmed there, in fact.
Hopefully my next update won't be posted a month after this one... But life's always a little crazy, so only time will tell.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Music is my Constant
Watching the Grammys tonight made me realize how much music is a part of my life. For as long as I can remember, my parents almost always had music on in the house when I was growing up; be it James Taylor, Stevie Wonder, The Beatles, The Allman Brothers, etc.
I got my first CD, Radio Disney Jams, Vol. 2, when I was 7 or 8. It was then I was introduced to more pop music (it had songs on it like “I’ll Never Break Your Heart,” “Boogie Shoes,” “The Saga Begins,” and others). I also slowly started listening to other things then, like Weird Al Yankovic. Eventually, I also got volume 4 of the RDJ (it’s funny how many of these songs I can still find on my iTunes today, nearly 10 years later, like Eiffel 65’s “Blue,” Hoku’s “Perfect Day,” and the Baha Men’s “Who Woke Snow White Up?”).
Music has always been a constant in my life, even if my music taste has changed. It's been my rock when I didn't want to talk to anyone (pun somewhat intended). It puts a smile on my face. It makes me laugh, cry, and some other emotion in between. I can't imagine life without music.
My first concert was when I was 16. I can remember the show like it was yesterday: Jefferson Airplane, Country Joe McDonald, and Tom Constanten (from the Grateful Dead). It was at the Palace Theatre in Greensburg. My dad had picked me up from my cousin's where I had stayed the night before. We arrived pretty early, so we went to get dinner beforehand. On the way back from dinner, we passed the tour bus. While none of the members were on board, it was still pretty amazing to be close enough that I could run my finger along the dust it had collected from who knows how many miles of travel.
In the years since that show, I have seen more shows. I've seen Styx, Foreigner, Kansas, Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon, David Cook, Green River Ordinance, and a few other obscure artists not many people have heard of. Except for two of these shows, every one has been with my dad. I'm really fortunate to have such a close relationship with him. He and I are similar in a lot of ways (it's sort of funny, but obvious), and these concerts are some of my favorite memories, be it my first concert or the most recent one where we both got memorbilia (for free!).
I have an incredible range of music in my iTunes collection, ranging from Harry Connick, Jr. and Michael Giacchino to Metallica and Apocalyptica to U2 and Fleetwood Mac. Each and every one of the 2500+ songs in my collection has some meaning, memory, or person attached to it that I think of every time I hear it. Some make me laugh, some bring back sad memories, and others just defy any sort of discernible explanation. I guess it’s just one of those things that you keep to yourself because you don’t want to come across as a fool, but you want to tell that one person. The one who you’ll tell anything; even those things you never thought you’d entrust to another person. Those are the secrets that are begging to be released, freed, expunged... But that's a story in and of itself that's saved for another day. Another time.
I got my first CD, Radio Disney Jams, Vol. 2, when I was 7 or 8. It was then I was introduced to more pop music (it had songs on it like “I’ll Never Break Your Heart,” “Boogie Shoes,” “The Saga Begins,” and others). I also slowly started listening to other things then, like Weird Al Yankovic. Eventually, I also got volume 4 of the RDJ (it’s funny how many of these songs I can still find on my iTunes today, nearly 10 years later, like Eiffel 65’s “Blue,” Hoku’s “Perfect Day,” and the Baha Men’s “Who Woke Snow White Up?”).
Music has always been a constant in my life, even if my music taste has changed. It's been my rock when I didn't want to talk to anyone (pun somewhat intended). It puts a smile on my face. It makes me laugh, cry, and some other emotion in between. I can't imagine life without music.
My first concert was when I was 16. I can remember the show like it was yesterday: Jefferson Airplane, Country Joe McDonald, and Tom Constanten (from the Grateful Dead). It was at the Palace Theatre in Greensburg. My dad had picked me up from my cousin's where I had stayed the night before. We arrived pretty early, so we went to get dinner beforehand. On the way back from dinner, we passed the tour bus. While none of the members were on board, it was still pretty amazing to be close enough that I could run my finger along the dust it had collected from who knows how many miles of travel.
In the years since that show, I have seen more shows. I've seen Styx, Foreigner, Kansas, Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon, David Cook, Green River Ordinance, and a few other obscure artists not many people have heard of. Except for two of these shows, every one has been with my dad. I'm really fortunate to have such a close relationship with him. He and I are similar in a lot of ways (it's sort of funny, but obvious), and these concerts are some of my favorite memories, be it my first concert or the most recent one where we both got memorbilia (for free!).
I have an incredible range of music in my iTunes collection, ranging from Harry Connick, Jr. and Michael Giacchino to Metallica and Apocalyptica to U2 and Fleetwood Mac. Each and every one of the 2500+ songs in my collection has some meaning, memory, or person attached to it that I think of every time I hear it. Some make me laugh, some bring back sad memories, and others just defy any sort of discernible explanation. I guess it’s just one of those things that you keep to yourself because you don’t want to come across as a fool, but you want to tell that one person. The one who you’ll tell anything; even those things you never thought you’d entrust to another person. Those are the secrets that are begging to be released, freed, expunged... But that's a story in and of itself that's saved for another day. Another time.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Update on life and other musings...
Well, I suppose it's time for a "what's happening in Cary's life?" post because it seems like a lot of my posts are award show rants/raves. (Granted, the Oscar nominations went live today and the Grammy awards are on February 8, but those are two future blog entries)
Anyhow... So far in the time that I've been back to school for CA training and the start of the semester, I really can't complain too much. My neighbors are being quieter this semester, which is great for me and the residents on the other side. I'm keeping my head above water, though sometimes I need a life preserver.
My classes are pretty awesome. Only one class a day except Mondays (oh, the joys of a night class) and two online classes (one of which is a late start class anyway). My 400 level capstone class is a lot of reading, but it's a pretty sweet class. And having friends in it is always a plus.
I have 2 400-level classes, 2 200-level, and 1 100-level. I still can't believe that I'm already a college junior, and only need 4 more classes for my major. Admittedly, it is a little scary. I have ideas of what I'd like to do after graduation next year, but those ideas change weekly. I would love to go to grad school... But I don't know what I want to study (or where, for that matter). Money, location, and the program are all things to consider. Do I want to go into Human Resources? Should I get an MBA? Am I willing to relocate completely? How far should I go? Would I be guaranteed a TA or GA position to help fund my education? What about housing if I go somewhere not close to home?
I've also applied for an internship through UPMC Health Systems in Human Resources, but I haven't heard back from anyone regarding that. I also picked up an Upward Bound application today. Don't get me wrong, I love my seasonal job at OfficeMax (and they've told me they'll take me back a third time), but I'd like to experience something new (and possibly relevant to my future career, whatever that may be).
I suppose only time will tell at this point... I'm just hoping that something, somewhere along the line will pop up, a lightbulb will flash, and I'll know that that something is exactly what I want to do.
Anyhow... So far in the time that I've been back to school for CA training and the start of the semester, I really can't complain too much. My neighbors are being quieter this semester, which is great for me and the residents on the other side. I'm keeping my head above water, though sometimes I need a life preserver.
My classes are pretty awesome. Only one class a day except Mondays (oh, the joys of a night class) and two online classes (one of which is a late start class anyway). My 400 level capstone class is a lot of reading, but it's a pretty sweet class. And having friends in it is always a plus.
I have 2 400-level classes, 2 200-level, and 1 100-level. I still can't believe that I'm already a college junior, and only need 4 more classes for my major. Admittedly, it is a little scary. I have ideas of what I'd like to do after graduation next year, but those ideas change weekly. I would love to go to grad school... But I don't know what I want to study (or where, for that matter). Money, location, and the program are all things to consider. Do I want to go into Human Resources? Should I get an MBA? Am I willing to relocate completely? How far should I go? Would I be guaranteed a TA or GA position to help fund my education? What about housing if I go somewhere not close to home?
I've also applied for an internship through UPMC Health Systems in Human Resources, but I haven't heard back from anyone regarding that. I also picked up an Upward Bound application today. Don't get me wrong, I love my seasonal job at OfficeMax (and they've told me they'll take me back a third time), but I'd like to experience something new (and possibly relevant to my future career, whatever that may be).
I suppose only time will tell at this point... I'm just hoping that something, somewhere along the line will pop up, a lightbulb will flash, and I'll know that that something is exactly what I want to do.
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