Is this where I belong?

Hello there, how you doin'?

I've got all these thoughts just floating through my brain

They bump and they collide and cause a flurry of confusion

And it's getting on my nerves

I try to hold myself together

Fighting off this mental weather when I can (sometimes I do)

But this shit storm's never ending

And the atmospheric pressure's calling for rain

This is what I've got going on tonight

This is where I belong tonight

Life. Work. School. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. These are currently the things that define me.

I'm currently 21, a senior in college (much as I hate to admit it, even to myself), and currently employed by two different companies (three if you count my job at school; the other two are seasonal or an internship). I've been giving a lot of thought lately to my future, and what I want to get out of life (probably too much thinking, but I've been overanalyzing this situation way too much).

It's chaos in the courthouse
And the left side's all upset
Because the right side wants a summer home
and knows we can't afford it
I try to mediate between
This constant tug-o-war machine
But wind up in a never ending game of telephone
There's so much going on
And I just need seven minutes to calm myself back down
Now I forgot where I was
Was it me we were talking about?
This is what I feared from the start
I keep falling apart

As I've mentioned before, I'd like to go to grad school, but I'm not sure what I want to study. I love working with people. I didn't realize this for a long time, as I've always been a fan of solo work (and I still am in some regard)... This led me to consider working in Human Resources. I also like volunteering, as evidenced by my unpaid internship. Apart from some incidents here and there, I've really enjoyed working with my residents at school, so I've thrown around the idea of working in higher education.

What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on tonight)
What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on)

(Can't stand) I can't stand the thought of losing
Sentences and every island of words
(Can't stand) I can't stand the thought of losing
Everything I ever thought I that I knew

Before deciding on my major in my freshman year (I changed it from Graphic Design to Industrial Organizational Psychology), I had once considered everything from archaeology to dentistry to becoming a surgeon, and even threw around the idea of becoming a lawyer. I've also always thought it'd be pretty awesome to work for the government.

This is where I run out of words
That describe how I'm so damn hurt
This is where I fumble and fold
And take what I'm told

I looked at JobCorps' website a few weeks ago, and it seems like it might be a great blend of my interests. Some of the jobs they're currently hiring for are Resident Advisor (similar to my job at school) and Career Readiness Specialist (with my interest in HR, this could be really cool) among others...

What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on tonight)
What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on tonight)
What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on tonight)
What's going on, is this where I belong tonight?
(What's going on)

All of the listed jobs are out of state, but that doesn't really bother me. I've lived in the same house for 21 years, attend and live at college half an hour away (it's in the same county, for Pete's sake), and have always loved travel. It's one of my dreams to explore the world and what is has to offer.

On the other hand, part of me still does want to work in human resources. Maybe for a travel company. Or perhaps a publisher (another one of my loves is reading).

My mom wants me to focus some energy on looking at jobs since we both graduate the same year from college (this coming May). I look from time to time, just to see what's out there, what qualifications companies want, that sort of thing. But part of me doesn't want to ditch the jeans, Converse, and witty t-shirt for a skirt, heels, and button-up shirt. Not yet.

(Can't stand) I can't stand the thought of losing
Sentences and every island of words
(Can't stand) I can't stand the thought of losing
Everything I ever thought I that I knew

Even with all of these potential opportunities and confessions... I'm still scared shitless of the real world. And for the first time, I'm not afraid to admit that publicly (or at least as public as a blog can be).

I want to make a difference in the world. Somehow. To someone.

Song: "Where I Belong"

Artist: Motion City Soundtrack