The Middle

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

Wow. What a difference ten days can make. Ten days ago, I was stressed, burned out, broken, and ready to throw it all away. I try to hide the stresses of everyday (which isn't a good idea, but it's what I do), but then it starts eating at me, little by little.

After my posting the list of everything I had to accomplish, I realized something. Some little voice inside my head said go... And, boy, I have I gone. I've held two floor meetings, taken tests and quizzes, wrote (okay, bullshitted) a 14 page paper, and so much more. And you know what? I finally felt like I was accomplishing something. It was a great feeling. (It just took me until the middle of November to realize it.)

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

I made time for myself and got a lot done, but still managed to make time for my friends. Even though we're all a bit crazy when we hang out, they're the ones who help me maintain what little I have left of my sanity.

They're the ones who keep me grounded, make me realize it's the little things I'll remember the most, and sometimes give me a metaphorical kick in the butt when I need it (or, if you're Amber, a socially awkward grope, usually in public). Couldn't ask for a better group of people to call my friends.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

I had an awesome sophomore year... And this year is shaping up to be just as awesome.

Between the countless quotes, awkward moments, and memories; the forty-six (!) lockouts I've had from residents; four of my female residents asking if I've ever had a drink (no), if they can buy me a beer (no joke), and if they could find me a boyfriend (also no); and trying to figure out my place in the world, I can't believe that my first semester as a CA is nearly over.

There were times I wanted to throw in the towel and fly a white flag... But then the little voice talks to me again and pulls me back on my feet. Sometimes, that little voice is inside me, a song, a conversation with a friend... It's amazing what form that little voice shines through.

I also can't believe that this time in exactly a month, the semester will be over, I'll be sitting at home with no worries of residents knocking on my door at 4:15 AM asking to be let in, or complaining about their neighbors' music levels, and I won't be stapling my fingers to my bulletin boards instead of the letters that are supposed to be on there.

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Lyrics to "The Middle," by Jimmy Eat World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKsxPW6i3pM

Stress

If stress was a person, she just bitch-slapped me (metaphorically speaking, of course). I usually deal with stress really well, but now it's slowing eating me. I think that I finally realized how much I have to do in a little over a month, the reality of it all set in.

I've come to the realization lately that my life needs structure in it. Granted, I usually don't mind changes here and there, but right now, as a CA... I need that organization. As I write this, I look around my room. Newspapers, empty water bottles, crushed Coke cans, library books, and more are strewn everywhere. Then I turn my eyes back to my desk, and there it sits: The list.

The list is a master list of sorts... It's everything and anything that I can think of that must be accomplished, x-ed out, nixed... done by December 17. And by everything... I mean, everything. (Well, nearly everything school and work related).

I have something like...

Academics
- 5 tests (2 in psych, 2 in Organizational Behavior, and 1 in business)
- 6 quizzes (3 in business, 3 in psych)
- 2 projects in Desktop Publishing
- 1 paper
- And who knows, probably some homework assignments thrown in there, as well

Community Assistant Stuff
- 25 office hours
- 5 on-call nights
- 2 on-call weekends, one of which is a backup weekend
- 1 bulletin board (hanging it up soon)
- I'm hoping to have 3 builders a week (so around 15 of those)
- 1 program (on Monday)
- 2 room inspections
- 3 or 4 floor meetings
- 2 (probably more) staff meetings and 1:1s

Other
- Library books to return soon (probably Friday when my paper is handed in)
- Time cards to turn in for my note-taking job
- A room to keep clean
- And a class that may or may not be added to my spring schedule

Whew. This list is way too long for my liking, so I'm about to go and tackle as much as I can before I get eaten alive.