Saturday, July 28, 2012

Packing, take 2 and five months of happiness

Making a list and checking it twice
I've made this list twice now.  Maybe three times.

...I think that's everything.  I hope that's everything.  I hate feeling like I've forgotten something really important, even though I only live 1/2 hour from school.  List making helps me with this fear of forgetting something important.  I have to write things down, otherwise I'll most likely forget them.  (Maybe that's why I prefer hand-writing PowerPoints instead of printing them before classes.)

My room is still a disaster zone mess.  I have bins to still go through from moving out of school in May.  This year, I'm trying to downsize what I bring to school.

On a different note, as of a few days ago (July 25), Vic and I have been together for five months.  These last five months have been the happiest of my life.  I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world.  He's seen me at some very high points in my life and some low ones as well, and he's stuck with me through it all.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
I find myself smiling so much and it's an incredible feeling.  Though it's only been five months, we've talked about our future together and being together for a lifetime.  I've never known a happiness like this before, and, well, I don't want this relationship to ever end.  I'm dating my best friend.

His laugh, sense of humor, and every little thing about him makes me love him more every day.  Even though he'll say I am, I know that he's the best.

To quote something he once told me, "Whoever said nothing worth having comes easy obviously never met us."  I couldn't agree more.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The island isn't done with you yet...

A few weeks ago, I got notification that all of my application materials for consideration into graduate school were (finally) in.  Today, I went in for an admissions interview with two of the faculty members (and as always, I was a wreck, because interviews freak me out)...

And I got in!!

They admitted to me that the interview was more of a simple formality, since I'd just missed the GPA requirement by mere decimal points, and to get to know me and what I'm looking to gain from the program. The two I met with seem like incredible people, and very willing to help students.

So, I'd say that today was pretty awesome.  I even got to have lunch with Vic and Shane, which is always a lot of fun.  Now just to hope for the best for the graduate assistantships I've applied for, and deciding on classes.  As soon as I get my formal acceptance letter, I can register for classes.

It's finally starting to sink in that I did, in fact, graduate from college with an undergraduate degree two months ago.  It's an amazing feeling.  I couldn't have done it without the support from all of you, my family and friends, and the best guy a girl could wish for...even if he does make me cry because of the sweet things he says.

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Quirks of Being a Twentysomething

(Author's note:  The spoof of the title of Stephen Chbosky's book totally intended.  Even though I've never read the book.)

During the first semester of my senior year (most of which I barely remember, honestly), the blogger formerly known as Shane Pilgrim, a few friends, and I were chatting with a few friends while perusing the offerings of a book purveyor known on our college campus as "Bob the Book Guy."  We came across a book called Pledged, about sororities.  Neither of us are terribly fond of Greek life, so it immediately interested us.  I read it with fervor and interest, and found that my opinion of Greek life hadn't changed at all.

Fast-forward to earlier today when I was at my local library and came across a book by the same author, Alexandra Robbins.  Intrigued, I looked to see what other books she had written.  One jumped out at me almost immediately:  Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis.  (I previously wrote about how I want more out of life than my menial job as a cashier/stock girl/whatever needs done around the store employee.)

Of course, the library's computers were too slow for my patience, so I waited until I got home to look it up.  The library didn't have it after all, but Amazon did.  As many (or most) of you know, I don't have an eReader of any sort, nor do I care for one.  However, this book intrigued me to the point that I downloaded a free Kindle app and the Kindle edition of the aforementioned book.

I'm currently only a few pages into the book, but am already enjoying it.

Robbins writes,
After months of regularly beating myself to a mental pulp because I wasn't living up to my own standards, it was the simplest of facts that jolted me out of my funk:  I was normal.  When the twentysomething sources unloaded on me their fears, doubts, and uncertainties, I realized my insecurities were common - and that therefore wasn't a freak at all. That was all I needed to know.
Now who could argue with that?  It's funny how after talking to someone about these fears, or even reading about others', how what seems like insanity is suddenly normalized, okay, and maybe even rational.  It reminds me of how I often wish the stereotypes of illness and disability, be they mental or physical, were not looked down upon by society.  Everybody has their own certain quirks and they're just what make us who we are.  To quote something I read from How I Met Your Mother, "Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks but actually kinda likes them?"

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Dreaming in dreams, or something else?

I found myself meandering through a carnival or flea market of sorts.  It was then that I had the realization there was something oddly familiar about the set-up where someone was selling bait for fishing.  As I waded through the mock pond he had on display, memories started coming back to me.

Sort of like the flashes on Lost.

It was then that I saw myself.  Not at my current age of 22, but maybe around 15.  It was like I was watching myself in this same situation.

Then I sat at a restaurant, in what looked like Union Station in Washington, D.C., eating dinner by myself.  I read a book as I ate, just keeping to myself.  I'm not sure why I was alone in this train station, but there I was.  Next thing I know, my waiter gave me an ice cream sundae the size of a basketball, saying it was free. I don't know how he expected me to eat all of that, so I politely refused it.

As I walked more through the flea market sort of setup, which I suppose was near the train station, I saw a picture of myself and some childhood friends at a sleepover.  The next thing I knew, I was at that sleepover.  Watching a little me, reading, as the other girls played with Barbies or who knows what.

Then I was at my aunt's old apartment.  It was similar to the one she had, but also had some stark differences.  The apartment had remained uninhabited after she passed away, that was evident as I entered it.  Where I had found the key is anyone's guess.

Tears fell as I looked around the apartment:  sheets and comforters were slowly being eaten away by moths, the beds still made.  It was eerie.  A few Christmas ornaments hung on the back of a chair.  Everything was left like it had been when she passed away.  Except it was so...different.  I didn't remember the art that was hanging, nor the other knick knacks.

Suddenly, I found myself at commencement.  It was at a completely different venue.  I saw myself talking to my dad, realizing it was 10 minutes before I had to be lined up, and I was in no way ready for the ceremony.  I was still in jeans and a t-shirt, not in my dress, cap and gown nowhere to be found.

And, then, at long last, something possessed me to wake up.  All of these mini dreams were ones I'd had before, apart for the last one, sometime in my life.  But this was different.  It was like seeing myself in these dreams and watching myself in them.  I have no idea what any of this means... I woke up very confused.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Patience is a virtue

...or so I've been told.

As of a few days ago, all of my application materials for graduate school have been turned in.  (Which is a good thing, because at least once a week for the past four or five weeks, I've been getting emails that say the office is still missing part/s of the application).  Despite all of this being turned in, I do have to go in for an admissions interview next week (a week from tomorrow, actually).  I'm taking this as a positive sign.

These past few weeks have been, well, interesting.  I got to stay the weekend with Vic as I had previously mentioned, which was wonderful.  Spending time with him is always a fun time.

The week after that, though, was just...insane.  My parents had been trying to ready the house for the graduation party we had on Saturday, family staying with us, etc.  Of course, we can't have a family gathering without the over-bearing family causing drama (and leading to headaches for everyone).  That, and I'm thinking they approve of Vic after having met him because my cousin's husband wouldn't stop dropping wedding hints (we've only been dating for four months, talk about being hasty...).

I helped as much as I could prepare for the party, but between my mom trying to make the house look perfect and dad being a perfectionist about where everything goes and is arranged and the whole nine yards, I just wanted to run away screaming.  It was, in a word, infuriating.  I try to be a good daughter and do my part, but there's only so much I can take.  Working part-time and then helping them was tiring.

Back to grad school happenings, I'm slowly going insane not knowing if I'll be getting in the program.  I don't mind my part-time job that I hold, trying to save money to help fund graduate school, but I'm realizing how much I want out of it at the same time.  But that would require finding a job, interviewing, and getting said job, and probably starting out at a lower hourly wage than I currently make.

I don't mind (most of) the customers and my coworkers are pretty awesome, but it isn't fulfilling.  I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.  I want a challenge.  I miss the world of academia.  As much as I complained about some of my classes, I'm truly ready for a new set of courses, professors, and even assignments.  Work just isn't challenging.  I ring people out, sort ink cartridges, set up displays, and other menial tasks.  I want something more out of what I do.

It's not that I'm not happy with my life, it's just that I'm feeling kind of blah about the whole situation.  I realize how fortunate I am to have a job that I can always come back to, but I need something more than this.  I miss going to class, even holding office hours, and being within walking distance of Vic and my other friends.

This summer is different... it's a weird in-between college graduation and hopefully graduate school phase.  I suppose only time will tell at this point.