Being single isn't the same thing as being alone... But sometimes, it sure does feel that way.
From eighth grade through the first month of my freshman year of college, I dated the same guy. For those counting, that's five years... which is a long time. At least it felt that way, anyway. He was the first guy who actually talked to me for me. Most of the guys I'd talked to before that were just friends. I never saw them as boyfriend material. After my ex and I broke up, I had somewhat of a crush on a guy, but he turned out to be a jerk.
I was always (and probably always will be) the geeky, semi-introverted girl who has a few close friends. Of my 195-ish friends on Facebook, apart from family, I completely trust maybe 15 of them or so (and, of course, my family on there, but that's a lot more than 15).
In my sophomore year of college, I fell for a different guy. It took me a while to finally come out and tell him. We decided to be just friends, and for that, I'm grateful. I didn't want to ruin the friendship we already had, and I'm glad we were/are able to maintain that.
The summer after my sophomore year, I went on a date... My first since senior prom. Like the aforementioned gentleman, this too ended in the "let's just be friends" chat. (Go figure that this year, I had to have the same conversation with someone. Oh, life.)
While there are some days and nights that I wish I had that special someone to talk to, to ask for advice, to hold me when I need it most... Being in that sort of situation is scary. It's not that I have complete trust issues, I just often wonder, is this what I want? Right now, I know I need to focus on school. But it's times like those when I don't do so well on an exam or what have you that I just want to have that person who will tell me it's going to be okay.
|As seen on PostSecret.|
I was talking to a guy friend a few hours ago and we decided to hang out this weekend. Just us. It's been a few years since I've gotten to hang out with a guy friend, just one on one. I'm really excited for it, I'm not going to lie. Even though we're just going to walk and talk, sometimes that's all you really need. We chatted online for three or four hours a few nights ago, and I brought up some things I don't talk about with most people.
It takes a lot for me to mention some things. Granted, we didn't talk about the deepest, darkest inner workings of our psyches, but who knows. Maybe this will go further, maybe it won't. I'd love for it to. But to quote something I read once, "Take every risk. Drop every fear." Sometimes, you just have to jump in feet first and hope you don't sink. Everybody has their inhibitions, fears, and doubts. It's just human nature.
However, I've said it once before in a previous entry and I'll say it again...
Life's a journey, and I just want someone to live and love it with. Love and life are two funny things... You can have a life without a significant other, but to have life without having loved something, I think, is terrible. You don't have to love someone, but loving something so much that it gets you out of bed in the morning and excited... Now that's what makes life worth living.